do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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