he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
pop tarts are not kleenex
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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