Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
