I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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