If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
