just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
