Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
