I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
