The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
