mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
