I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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