Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't notice because vodka
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
