Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
