I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
