i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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