Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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