forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
