I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
