Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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