so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
