you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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