If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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