Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
