I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
