So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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