I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
