Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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