Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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