She said her name was "party"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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