Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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