I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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