In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
