it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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