You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
