Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
