Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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