He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
