I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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