If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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