he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
