she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
