Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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