I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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