there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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