oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
