i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
