JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
