So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
id be glad to
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
