i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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