dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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