respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
