i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
